ldbug's Cancer Blog
February 8, 2010
It’s tax season again. My dad (if not mentioned before) owns his solely-run small business doing tax preparation, notary, bookkeeping, and other financial services. Mom had her one-desk travel agency in the same office, but when it was tax season, travel was put on hold as it’s 12-hour days with people knocking at the door before the office opens and never time for lunch. My younger brother and I have been pitching in since I can remember – it’s like the family business, only we also have our other jobs.
After work, I go to the office and help with putting together the printed out taxes for people to come and pick up (what mom used to do), while my brother is there doing the “data input” (which I helped with) and my dad is doing all the calculations.
On weekends, when I’m not doing massages, I’ve been coming in and staying the half-days while making sure that we get lunch and some grocery shopping gets done. Everyday at the office presents us with the reality that mom is physically gone – not only are we making up for the jobs that she would do (things that my dad is needing to figure out as he goes), but also with most of the clients asking where his wife is “today”. A lot of people assume she’s traveling and are in shock when they hear the news. Last Year, my mom was recovering from surgery in January, but went to help out and everyone said she looked good, that they had no idea she even had cancer. My dad cries every time he has to say it, and of course that makes me cry. Although we don’t want to look unprofessional, it shows us how many people my mom touched, how many people loved her presence, even if it was only once a year that they saw her.
I want to think that it’s somewhat good for my dad to let it out, he doesn’t have anyone to talk to other than us so I truly hope that it helps for him to let himself cry and allow others to mourn with him, and hopefully he won’t feel so alone. He says he hates breaking down in front of people, but we’re all human and we can’t help it…I just figure that if I still cry over the loss of my friend 11 years ago, 5 months is not even the beginning. I just know that I get by feeling her energy around me, her spirit, her love, looking at her picture and knowing – truly knowing – the love she felt for me, the tears of losing her so quickly will always come with good memories.
Just when I thought I had no tears left...., 
2 comments)
Posted on Dear Alyss,
First, I’m sorry about the blank post. I accidentally hit the wrong button.
We always need our moms, no matter how old we are.My mom died five years ago of Parkinson’s. It’s a terrible disease and an awful death.I miss her.
The loss of your mom is still raw, and that is fine. There are reminders all the time. You have a close family, and that is wonderful; working together is hard, but it is also a gift. My best wishes to you and your family.
Andrea
09.27.09 
Thanks for your support - 
